But this month is different. This month, I'm ok with the failure. I am a little sad but honestly ok.
You see this year I have made the decision to go back to study. I have one more year to go until I will be a practising counsellor! This last year has been on hold since I got pregnant with James and now that he is starting school, it's time to realise my dream. I made this decision after going through the fertility stuff this month so didn't know if I would be tackling both baby and study at once. Now I know I will be able to concentrate on my study. So we won't be doing fertility for the next 3 months until I wouldn't have a due date during my study.
I am becoming more and more surprised though that the further I get from our second miscarriage, the more ok I am becoming about not getting pregnant again. I don't know if it's God working on my heart or just changing expectations. I am just getting the feeling that perhaps I won't have any more 'natural' children. I still want more kids, don't get me wrong on that. It's just that I'm starting to feel more drawn and open to foster care and adoption. I've always had a heart to adopt and Nick and I were foster carers in New Zealand before we moved here. With the proposed changes to foster-to-adopt and adoption that Tony Abbott is making, this is becoming more and more possible for us.
So I'm ok this month. I am looking forward to studying this year and hope to bring some insights from what I am learning to my blog posts.
*Thank you for your comments! I really enjoy reading them!*