The Good Wife Guide - Part 3

First off - my apologies for not posting last week. Things caught up on me. Here is part three...

4. Prepare the children.
    Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimise all noise.
    At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

6. Be happy to see him.
    Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

I am doing these three points together this week. To me they all seem to fit together. It is all about the environment and mood your husband comes home to.

My husband travels almost 1.5 hours to and from work each day. That's 3 hours of travel a day! He leaves the house just after 6am to start work early at around 7.30am. Then he works until 4 / 4.30pm and heads home again so he can spend time with our son before he goes to bed. That is one busy day!

Imagine the noise of public transport. The hours at work amongst colleagues. The busyness of the city. I think making home that bit more peaceful and calm when he gets home is necessary! I have said in previous posts that I want our home to be a haven. A calm place. A refuge from the crazy busyness of the world. I will talk more on making my home a haven, calm place and refuge for others in another post about hospitality.

When my hubby gets home from work he is met with happy smiles and excited cries from our son. At least this is what happens most days when we are not having tantrums! James loves it when Dad gets home! Nick often has to say "hang on buddy, just let me take off my shoes first and get changed" as James just wants to smother him. It is not usually quiet when my hubby gets home which is something I do want to work on. Often Nick and James will settle down for some quiet activity (lego, Wii) while I finish dinner though and have some time out together. As for James being neat and clean - he is usually getting ready for dinner then so has washed hands etc anyway. I'm not sure about the kids "playing the part" of angels though :p

I try to make it a priority to greet my husband at the door when he comes home. This dates back to our days when we were engaged. We completed pre-marital counselling which was required by the church we were getting married at - something I would strongly recommend to anyone getting married! During our counselling we were asked to name three things we would like the other person to do for us more often. One of the things Nick asked was that I greet him at the door when he comes home from work. I had done that several times when he had come home from University and he really appreciated a happy, smiling, kissing woman to greet him at the end of the day. Now days that we are married and living together, it still puts a huge smile on his face when I come down the hallway and give him a big ol' smooch when he gets home. It's one of the ways we keep a "spark" in our relationship. James giggles and thinks it's funny when Mum and Dad have a kiss and cuddle in the hallway or the kitchen. It often ends with each of us putting a hand under his arm and lifting him up to join in the hugs and kisses. He loves it - and so do we.

 It has been famously said...

I absolutely agree! The same goes for Mothers.

The Good Wife Guide - Part Two

Today I will cover points 2 and 3.

2. Prepare yourself.

    Take 15 minute to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. 

I like to look good for my husband. Over the last 5 months after our second miscarriage, I have lost 14 kg (2 to go until my goal weight!!) Losing this weight has really helped me to become aware of my personal appearance. I'm not saying in a vain prideful way, but in a way that I look after myself and try to make more of an effort to present myself in a clean, tidy and nice way. I am usually still in bed when my husband leaves for work at 6am. If I have put some effort into my appearance that day and dress nicely and put a little make-up on, he really seems to notice it and compliments me with smiles and sneaky cuddles when he gets home. 

Let's face it. Men are designed to be approving of things that are beautiful visually. This is why the porn industry attracts more male customers than female. I want to be the most beautiful woman my husband has seen all day. The woman that makes him want to come home quickly to spend time with at the end of the day. 

I have also found that it really benefits me to have a few minutes rest in the late afternoon (usually just before he gets home). It's good to put my feet up with my son while he watches a little TV and have a breather before the madness of dinner, bath and bedtime descends. 

3. Clear away clutter. 

    Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up school books, toys, papers, etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables. Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

This is something I have been working on lately. I get my son to help and we go through the house at around 4.30/5pm before my husband gets home and just put things back in their place. I must admit though that I very rarely dust and it is something I should probably think more about! I do wipe down the kitchen bench and clear everything away though. It helps us to have the house tidied up from the day's activities before dinner time so that we can eat, play outside with the neighbours and catch up with them after dinner, quick bath and then story time and bed to finish off the day. 

I would LOVE to have a fireplace to have a nice warm spot for my husband to put his feet up and take a breather when he gets home in the winter months. We get more hot weather here in Western Australia than cold so we have air conditioning only installed in our house. In the summertime I will have my husband give me a text when his train is nearly at our station so I can give him a ride home so he doesn't have to walk the 10 minutes in the high heat. If he walks home I will get him a tall glass of ice cold water to help cool him down after his sweaty walk home. 

Who wants to come home to this??

My husband works really hard in often boring and tiring situations at the office. I love the fact that he can come home (when I am organised and following this advice) and find rest and relaxation. I don't want him to come home to chaos and mess so that he has to brace himself before he walks in the door. It really helps our whole household by creating this haven. I definitely get a lift from it! I DO get satisfaction from providing some comfort and care to my husband. I love him and want to make our home the calm port in the storm of life. 

*Thanks to everyone who has been commenting! I really enjoy reading them!*

Reflecting and making changes 2014

2013. Hard year. One of my hardest.

Today I have been sitting in my newly organised and clean bedroom (with drawers!!) in my rocking chair and having some me time while James sleeps (he's TOTALLY going through a growth spurt!) I have intended to do these reflection pages created by a friend of mine - Amanda Viviers - for a few days now but our house has been full and busy. You can read Amanda's blog and download the reflection pages here.

I must say, these pages were great! I had been thinking during the last month that I could not wait to get out of 2013 and move on to brighter futures. My thoughts were that 2013 was nothing but an awful year. While doing these pages and writing down my answers, it became clear to me the good things that happened in 2013. Things that had been overshadowed by the negative experiences.

What was surprising is that EVERY SINGLE ONE of these things were to do with spending quality time alone with Nick and as a family with James. These are the times I value the most. My greatest moments of 2013 were when I was surrounded and spending quality time with my family. Quality time. Not watching TV. Not sitting in the same room on two different laptops. Not sewing while James plays in the other room. Quality time. My surprise weekend away with Nick. The times we have gone out as a family for a special day (even sometimes the movies). Going to Comic Con with Nick and again with James the second day. Our trip to New Zealand. Playing board games with Nick. Dreaming about our future. Talking. Sharing smiles and cheeky grins over the top of James' head when he does something funny, geeky, silly, or intelligent.

And so at the end of my reflections today, I am left not remembering 2013 for the hard year it was but remembering the beautiful. Remembering the gentle. Remembering the kind. Remembering the funny. Remembering the sweet. Remembering those quick secret moments of joy.

Two of the final prompts in the reflection pages talk about what you are prepared to do differently in 2014. So instead of New Year's Resolutions, this year I am just going to aim to work on these areas:

• Limit TV time. Turn it off when you're not actually purposefully watching something.
• Monthly out-of-the-house dates with Nick.
• Walking to school with James to grow in my health and fitness.
• Allow myself at least 1 hour a week of journal writing or reflection time alone.
• Keep the house in a better state of cleanliness and order (which I've been already working on the last month or so). Re-do the garden!
• Be more disciplined with my time.
• Save money.
• Value James and spend more one on one QUALITY time with him.
• Make more of an effort to connect with God. 
• Make relationships a priority. 
• Don't be satisfied with 'just passing' my study - aim to get great results!
• Say NO! I over commit often - I will be saying no more often this year.
• Be more disciplined with my blogging.
• Complete at least 7 things on my 30 before 30 list.

Why not head on over to Amanda's blog and do these reflection pages for yourself?

The Good Wife Guide - Part One

Today I will address the first point of the Good Wife Guide.

1. Have Dinner ready.

Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

My husband is ALWAYS hungry when he gets home from work. He travels just over an hour each way to work everyday and by the time he gets home it is around 6pm. This one just makes sense in our house. If I don't have a meal ready by the time he gets home, we eat much later and our son is tired and cranky and well past hungry. That's the practical side of it. 

I am a stay-at-home Mum and yes most of these things are more suited to someone in my situation. I don't expect it would be an easy thing to do if you worked full time. You may even get home after your husband does. This is where the attitude comes in. Of course you don't have to cook each night. My husband shares the cooking and helps out most nights. Let me put it this way for you:

Imagine. You get home after a busy day and pull into the driveway just as your husband also arrives home. Both of you are tired and have had crazy days at work. Both of you just want to relax and unwind. Your husband turns to you and says "Honey, go and lie down or read some more of that book you are reading. I'll sort dinner out". He won't take no for an answer. You gratefully lie down on your comfortable bed and read your latest novel obsession all the while hearing him potter around the kitchen. He comes in to tell you dinner is ready and you go out to find he has cooked your favourite meal all ready for you, just the way you like it. 

Ok. So what do you feel right now? Are you grateful? Relaxed? Impressed? Feeling full of love and appreciation for your husband? He didn't have to do that for you. It was his choice to put you above himself and give you time out. Take that feeling and realise that this is the gift you can give him when you choose to serve him in this way. 

But what about me you ask? What about my needs? Why should he get let off the hook and I do all the work?

It is this kind of attitude that can be lethal to a marriage. Me, Me, Me, Me. If both partners of a marriage went into it only thinking about themselves, what would that look like? How would that help create an atmosphere of love and selflessness? How will that teach your children to be caring and kind?

You can't do anything about your husband's motives apart from nagging him (unless of course he reads this and takes on board the advice as well). All you can control is yourself and your motives. Who knows, just like it made you feel loved and want to be thankful and reciprocate when you thought of your husband cooking for you like that - maybe your actions doing that will encourage him to be more giving as well.

The posts that will anger the feminists

I have long admired the fashion and values of 1950's society. The gorgeous full-skirted dresses. The hairstyles. The homely values.

These next few posts will probably anger the feminists out there. I don't apologise either. These are my thoughts and my values. If you don't agree that's fine and I don't expect everyone to subscribe to my ideas either. Just saying.

I once went to a bridal shower that had the "Good Wife's Guide" from the May 1955 edition of Housekeeping Monthly. It was read out as a joke suggesting that this advice was the last thing the bride-to-be should do as a wife. I laughed along quietly but when I went back and had a good look at what the advice said - I must admit I kinda agreed with most of it.

Now I am not a perfect wife. Heck nowhere even close! I don't follow these things completely and don't manage to stick to these values very often. I do look to them though as a guide and think that it is a way I choose to be as a wife. My husband is not demanding this of me and would never ask it of me. It is a personal choice of way of life that I am attempting to use to guide my life.

I am going to start a new blog series - 50s Fridays Series. Over the next few posts each week I will address each of the points in the guide and offer my thoughts about them and where I agree and disagree. I hope to then continue the series with 50's living tips, advice, fashion and hairstyles.

I want to bring more of these values back into my home. I think there is some cross over with the Proverbs 31 wife of the Bible as well.

So without further ado, I give you the Good Wife's Guide...

1.Have dinner ready.

Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2.Prepare yourself.

Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

3.Clear away clutter.

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

4.Prepare the children.

Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5.Minimise all noise.

At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

6.Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

7.Listen to him.

You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

8.Make the evening his.

Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.

9.Your goal.

Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

10.Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone though that day.

11.Make him comfortable.

Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

Welcome to the 50s Fridays Series!

An organised Mum

My mum said something inspirational to me today.

Remember – your house and James are your business – this is your job that God has blessed you with!

My parents with James

I don't know about you but I struggle with housework. I am not the most organised person in the world. So when it comes to making sure I am organised enough to keep my house running smoothly I find myself a bit lost in the jungle of clothes, dishes, toys and clutter.

This statement that my mum made has inspired me to take a different look at the way I think about things. I don't have a full-time job. I am a stay-at-home mum to my darling son James. What if I started organising my days as I would if I was working? If I was being paid to look after my house and my son I would put more effort into it and make sure things got done.

I have made myself a "Daily Do's" checklist of chores to do each day. These are the things that are done every day.

Daily Do's 

Prayer and Bible 

Showered and Dressed 

Load of washing 

Breakfast 

Get meat out for dinner

Make beds 

Tidy bedrooms 

Hang out washing 

Exercise: walk, dancing with James, swimming 

Lunch 

Weekly do's 

Prepare dinner 

Dinner 

Dishes and kitchen tidy 

5 minute clean up with James 

Story's and songs 

James' bedtime 

Sweep house

  

I have also made myself a "Weekly Do's" checklist of chores that need to be done on certain days. I have split the housework up between the 5 working days in order that we can relax and enjoy family time on the weekends when Daddy's home.

Weekly Do's 

Monday

Vacuum

Clean En-suite

Change beds

Write grocery list

Water plants

Master bed, James' windows

Tuesday

Mop floors

Clean laundry

Sweep garage and front porch

Groceries

Organise sewing room

Sewing/guest room windows

Wednesday

Vacuum

Clean out fridge

Clean out car/vacuum

Blog

Water plants

Theatre/kitchen windows

Thursday

Wipe kitchen cupboards

Clean out pantry

Clean oven/stove top

Cut James' nails

Organise bookshelf

Lounge/dining windows

Friday

Vacuum

Clean guest bathroom

Iron

Baking

Water plants

Laundry/bathroom windows

I leave you with one last quote from my smart mother:

Tidy House = Tidy Mind

So here's hoping this works! I'll let you know....

 

To start anew

Laziness.

It's something I admit I struggle with. That's right - I'm coming right out and saying it.

I find it hard to be motivated lately in many areas of my life - doing dishes, organizing my home, finishing long ago started projects, getting paperwork in some sort of order instead of being scattered in 5 different places around the house....

All that is about to change.

I am currently on a 4 week holiday in New Zealand. Our holiday has three purposes - to allow my in-laws to see their growing grandson, to be close to family and friends after the Christchurch earthquake which caused so much devastation and grief, and to be there to celebrate my little sister's wedding in early April. We are currently on day 14 of 29 days of holiday and I must say I feel like I am being refreshed.

I didn't realise until I got here how wound up, stressed and tired I was. It has been so long since I have just stopped and relaxed instead of concentrating on work, housework, grocery shopping and just breathed. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my hunched over shoulders. I feel like I am (nearly) ready to start making some positive steps forward with life.

And I have a plan....

- to blog twice a week. Reason: to help me sort out my thoughts and ideas and to hopefully give some encouragement and inspiration to others as I have received myself.
- to buy a large bookcase from Ikea with lots of square shelve spaces. Reason: to provide some much needed storage for our house and to organise our paperwork into magazine boxes so we can actually find the insurance policies, bills, log in details... when we need them.
- to prioritize James. Reason: do I need one??
- to make a list and plan of all the creative ideas I have and have found through others. Reason: I have way too many ideas running around in my head and several of them who have already escaped and need to actually start doing some of them and remember them.
- to start receiving an "allowance" or "housekeeping" from Nick. Reason: I have a spending problem! Particularly when it comes to crafty finds.... My "housekeeping" money will cover groceries, nappies, basic household needs (eg new shoes for James, new tea towels etc) and anything I am able to save by managing the money well and living simply and miserly will be mine to spend on what I like eg crafty stuff!
- to really start to get our finances in order and start to seriously save for our travel plans next year. Reason: I want to go to the UK as well as Canada and we can only do both if we save seriously! (we are going to Canada for a family wedding and would LOVE to stop in the UK on the way back...)
- to draw closer to God. Reason: because He is a wonderful amazing God who is waiting patiently for me to draw near to Him so He can show me what He has created me for. I want to live in a way that is glorifying to Him and is setting an example for our son and others around me.

As you can see - there are a lot of things I am planning to do. I know this won't all happen overnight but with prayer, discipline and encouragement I know I can get there.

What does this mean for you?

- two weekly blogs. One is a crafty project of the week either that I have done or I have found to encourage you all to create. The second is a weekly musing of general goings on in the Dight household and in general around the world. This could be a frugal tip I have found, a lesson I have learnt, a photo or video that has touched me, an amusing (hopefully) anecdote of something that has happened.

- a more organised (and clean!) house to visit

- a better friend to have

So here's to new beginnings! Pray for me!

xx Alison

Discipline...

How do you discipline a 15 month old?

James is starting to get to that "temper tantrum" stage at the moment. Anything from not wanting to eat his breakfast, to getting his nappy changed, taking something off him, putting the cat outside can start a tantrum. How do I deal with this?

This morning James needed his nappy changed as I could detect a whiff of number 2's inside. After searching the house for the elusive box of homemade wet wipes that always manages to disappear when you need it, I took James into his bedroom to change him. We have always changed James either on the floor or bed as we didn't feel the need to go to the extra expense of a change table. After struggling to lie him down I proceeded to attempt to take off his nappy. James put on an award winning performance of a victim of the "Jaws" movie getting eaten by a shark, thrashing from side to side, screaming as if in agony, pellets of poop flying. I tried in vain to calm him down and stop the mess until finally I did what I have never wanted to do. I smacked him on the thigh. Shock. Horror. I can't believe I just did that.

I am not against smacking as a discipline method but personally have wanted to avoid it. From my experience with other children who have been smacked they tend to then smack others when things don't go their way or they get frustrated. I wanted to try and avoid this scenario.

Although I didn't smack very hard, soon little pink finger marks showed on his little thigh. James had stopped thrashing about and was just lying still crying. I quickly finished changing him and then picked him up and comforted him, apologizing and feeling wretched. Within moments he was his happy, giggly self again and ran off to play with his tractor. I was left sitting there feeling like the worst mother in the world.

And so I am left with the problem. How do you discipline a child who is barely speaking (other than Mummy, Daddy, Kitty, Cat, Star, Car, Cup and Ta) and expect them to understand you? A friend suggested a time out. This may just work for James. My new project is to make a 'time-out' mat. I will use this mat to place him on for a minute per age (e.g. 1 min at the moment). It will be a mat that can be easily transported so that when we visit Nana and Poppa we can bring it with us.

Stay tuned for the tutorial including photos! Wish me luck!

Who am I?

I guess it's a basic question. Who am I? What do I do? How do I live?

I am a 24yr old mother of one and wife of another. My hubby is an Invertebrate Zoologist (yes - if you figure out what that means please let me in!). Our darling son has just celebrated his first birthday and has entered the tiring (for mummy) stage of walking and running.

Our family are members of a local church which is a smaller campus of a much larger church in the south of our city. We love being a part of this community life and its great being in a church with so many young families with little bubs to play with darling son!

We are a one-income, mortgage, bills, car payments family who like many others struggle from time-to-time to keep things afloat. One of my proudest accomplishments is being able to (usually) feed out little family of 3 for $100 a fortnight (and no we don't just eat bread and water!!) I will make sure to include a post on how I do this in an Australian economy! I try to manage the household finances well in order to have the luxury of being a stay-at-home-mum for darling son. Yes it can actually be done people!

As my blog name suggests, I am a bit of a creative Mummy. I try to do something creative every day. My previous attempts have included handmade rugs, paintings, cross-stitch, knitting, sewing, hand-sewing.... I really enjoy making children's items and am currently on a completely hand-sewn baby bootie craze.

Well thats enough about me for now. I look forward to sharing with you all a bit about my life, creative adventures, discoveries and moments of joy that I come across in daily life.

xx - Creative Mummy