The Good Wife Guide - Part 3

First off - my apologies for not posting last week. Things caught up on me. Here is part three...

4. Prepare the children.
    Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimise all noise.
    At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

6. Be happy to see him.
    Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

I am doing these three points together this week. To me they all seem to fit together. It is all about the environment and mood your husband comes home to.

My husband travels almost 1.5 hours to and from work each day. That's 3 hours of travel a day! He leaves the house just after 6am to start work early at around 7.30am. Then he works until 4 / 4.30pm and heads home again so he can spend time with our son before he goes to bed. That is one busy day!

Imagine the noise of public transport. The hours at work amongst colleagues. The busyness of the city. I think making home that bit more peaceful and calm when he gets home is necessary! I have said in previous posts that I want our home to be a haven. A calm place. A refuge from the crazy busyness of the world. I will talk more on making my home a haven, calm place and refuge for others in another post about hospitality.

When my hubby gets home from work he is met with happy smiles and excited cries from our son. At least this is what happens most days when we are not having tantrums! James loves it when Dad gets home! Nick often has to say "hang on buddy, just let me take off my shoes first and get changed" as James just wants to smother him. It is not usually quiet when my hubby gets home which is something I do want to work on. Often Nick and James will settle down for some quiet activity (lego, Wii) while I finish dinner though and have some time out together. As for James being neat and clean - he is usually getting ready for dinner then so has washed hands etc anyway. I'm not sure about the kids "playing the part" of angels though :p

I try to make it a priority to greet my husband at the door when he comes home. This dates back to our days when we were engaged. We completed pre-marital counselling which was required by the church we were getting married at - something I would strongly recommend to anyone getting married! During our counselling we were asked to name three things we would like the other person to do for us more often. One of the things Nick asked was that I greet him at the door when he comes home from work. I had done that several times when he had come home from University and he really appreciated a happy, smiling, kissing woman to greet him at the end of the day. Now days that we are married and living together, it still puts a huge smile on his face when I come down the hallway and give him a big ol' smooch when he gets home. It's one of the ways we keep a "spark" in our relationship. James giggles and thinks it's funny when Mum and Dad have a kiss and cuddle in the hallway or the kitchen. It often ends with each of us putting a hand under his arm and lifting him up to join in the hugs and kisses. He loves it - and so do we.

 It has been famously said...

I absolutely agree! The same goes for Mothers.

An up / down week

This week has been both good and bad.

The good:

I was incredibly blessed to receive in the mail a copy of Mrs Beeton's Book of Household Management. Wow! It was such a wonderful surprise! I'm thinking that someone who reads my blog has had it sent to me and whoever you are - I am so so thankful! I absolutely love it! I have only read snip-its so far but it's awesome!

Another awesome exciting part of my week was my doctors visit today. I just went for something small but while I was there they got me to jump on the scales and I was excited to discover that I have reached my goal weight of 60kg! I am so excited! So over the past 4 months I have lost 16kg total! Yippeee! I also measured my mannequin which I had set to my measurements in October and discovered that when compared to my measurements now, I have lost between 2-3 inches (5-8cm) all over! No wonder why my dress I wore at a wedding that I made in October doesn't fit anymore! So I have adjusted my mannequin and it is now on it's tightest setting for the hips and waist. Oh dear - better not lose any more or I won't be able to use the mannequin! So I am very excited anyway. I feel so much lighter and now when I pick up my 17kg son (just 1kg more than I used to have in excess weight) I can't believe I carried around all that extra weight! No wonder I was tired!

The bad/sad news this week for me is the Doctor Who experience coming up in March. "Whoniverse" is something I've been so excited about since it was announced in December with the chance to meet my favorite Doctor - Matt Smith! He is going to be joined by Karen "Amy Pond" Gillan and Arthur "Rory Williams" Darvill. Wow what a trio to have down under! This is the first (and most likely ONLY) time they will be in Australia and will be a once in a lifetime experience!

Sadly, prices were announced yesterday and the price just for entry is $150. I was prepared for that and somehow hopeful to be able to sell product and raise the money to pay this and then save up to purchase photographs and autographs in March while there. Unfortunately due to time and other restraints - photo opportunities and autograph opportunities will only be given to those who purchase the $650 Silver tickets or $950 Gold tickets! I am so sad and disappointed! If I had time I would save for the $650 but sadly the tickets will go on sale within the fortnight. It would have been the most incredible thing to meet these people and get photos with them. Wow I get a bit fan-girly giggly just thinking about it LOL. I'm not sure how I'd actually react if I got to meet "Doctor" Matt Smith! I think I'd giggle and just get really flustered! I did much the same when I met Colin Ferguson from Eureka at Comic Con last year!

So yes - I am a total geek / fangirl / freak / Whovian! I still hope and pray that somehow a miracle would get me a Silver ticket but I am working hard to make a general admission ticket possible. Fingers crossed aye!

*Thank you for your comments! I really love to read them!*

The Good Wife Guide - Part Two

Today I will cover points 2 and 3.

2. Prepare yourself.

    Take 15 minute to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. 

I like to look good for my husband. Over the last 5 months after our second miscarriage, I have lost 14 kg (2 to go until my goal weight!!) Losing this weight has really helped me to become aware of my personal appearance. I'm not saying in a vain prideful way, but in a way that I look after myself and try to make more of an effort to present myself in a clean, tidy and nice way. I am usually still in bed when my husband leaves for work at 6am. If I have put some effort into my appearance that day and dress nicely and put a little make-up on, he really seems to notice it and compliments me with smiles and sneaky cuddles when he gets home. 

Let's face it. Men are designed to be approving of things that are beautiful visually. This is why the porn industry attracts more male customers than female. I want to be the most beautiful woman my husband has seen all day. The woman that makes him want to come home quickly to spend time with at the end of the day. 

I have also found that it really benefits me to have a few minutes rest in the late afternoon (usually just before he gets home). It's good to put my feet up with my son while he watches a little TV and have a breather before the madness of dinner, bath and bedtime descends. 

3. Clear away clutter. 

    Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up school books, toys, papers, etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables. Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

This is something I have been working on lately. I get my son to help and we go through the house at around 4.30/5pm before my husband gets home and just put things back in their place. I must admit though that I very rarely dust and it is something I should probably think more about! I do wipe down the kitchen bench and clear everything away though. It helps us to have the house tidied up from the day's activities before dinner time so that we can eat, play outside with the neighbours and catch up with them after dinner, quick bath and then story time and bed to finish off the day. 

I would LOVE to have a fireplace to have a nice warm spot for my husband to put his feet up and take a breather when he gets home in the winter months. We get more hot weather here in Western Australia than cold so we have air conditioning only installed in our house. In the summertime I will have my husband give me a text when his train is nearly at our station so I can give him a ride home so he doesn't have to walk the 10 minutes in the high heat. If he walks home I will get him a tall glass of ice cold water to help cool him down after his sweaty walk home. 

Who wants to come home to this??

My husband works really hard in often boring and tiring situations at the office. I love the fact that he can come home (when I am organised and following this advice) and find rest and relaxation. I don't want him to come home to chaos and mess so that he has to brace himself before he walks in the door. It really helps our whole household by creating this haven. I definitely get a lift from it! I DO get satisfaction from providing some comfort and care to my husband. I love him and want to make our home the calm port in the storm of life. 

*Thanks to everyone who has been commenting! I really enjoy reading them!*

The Good Wife Guide - Part One

Today I will address the first point of the Good Wife Guide.

1. Have Dinner ready.

Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

My husband is ALWAYS hungry when he gets home from work. He travels just over an hour each way to work everyday and by the time he gets home it is around 6pm. This one just makes sense in our house. If I don't have a meal ready by the time he gets home, we eat much later and our son is tired and cranky and well past hungry. That's the practical side of it. 

I am a stay-at-home Mum and yes most of these things are more suited to someone in my situation. I don't expect it would be an easy thing to do if you worked full time. You may even get home after your husband does. This is where the attitude comes in. Of course you don't have to cook each night. My husband shares the cooking and helps out most nights. Let me put it this way for you:

Imagine. You get home after a busy day and pull into the driveway just as your husband also arrives home. Both of you are tired and have had crazy days at work. Both of you just want to relax and unwind. Your husband turns to you and says "Honey, go and lie down or read some more of that book you are reading. I'll sort dinner out". He won't take no for an answer. You gratefully lie down on your comfortable bed and read your latest novel obsession all the while hearing him potter around the kitchen. He comes in to tell you dinner is ready and you go out to find he has cooked your favourite meal all ready for you, just the way you like it. 

Ok. So what do you feel right now? Are you grateful? Relaxed? Impressed? Feeling full of love and appreciation for your husband? He didn't have to do that for you. It was his choice to put you above himself and give you time out. Take that feeling and realise that this is the gift you can give him when you choose to serve him in this way. 

But what about me you ask? What about my needs? Why should he get let off the hook and I do all the work?

It is this kind of attitude that can be lethal to a marriage. Me, Me, Me, Me. If both partners of a marriage went into it only thinking about themselves, what would that look like? How would that help create an atmosphere of love and selflessness? How will that teach your children to be caring and kind?

You can't do anything about your husband's motives apart from nagging him (unless of course he reads this and takes on board the advice as well). All you can control is yourself and your motives. Who knows, just like it made you feel loved and want to be thankful and reciprocate when you thought of your husband cooking for you like that - maybe your actions doing that will encourage him to be more giving as well.

The posts that will anger the feminists

I have long admired the fashion and values of 1950's society. The gorgeous full-skirted dresses. The hairstyles. The homely values.

These next few posts will probably anger the feminists out there. I don't apologise either. These are my thoughts and my values. If you don't agree that's fine and I don't expect everyone to subscribe to my ideas either. Just saying.

I once went to a bridal shower that had the "Good Wife's Guide" from the May 1955 edition of Housekeeping Monthly. It was read out as a joke suggesting that this advice was the last thing the bride-to-be should do as a wife. I laughed along quietly but when I went back and had a good look at what the advice said - I must admit I kinda agreed with most of it.

Now I am not a perfect wife. Heck nowhere even close! I don't follow these things completely and don't manage to stick to these values very often. I do look to them though as a guide and think that it is a way I choose to be as a wife. My husband is not demanding this of me and would never ask it of me. It is a personal choice of way of life that I am attempting to use to guide my life.

I am going to start a new blog series - 50s Fridays Series. Over the next few posts each week I will address each of the points in the guide and offer my thoughts about them and where I agree and disagree. I hope to then continue the series with 50's living tips, advice, fashion and hairstyles.

I want to bring more of these values back into my home. I think there is some cross over with the Proverbs 31 wife of the Bible as well.

So without further ado, I give you the Good Wife's Guide...

1.Have dinner ready.

Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2.Prepare yourself.

Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

3.Clear away clutter.

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

4.Prepare the children.

Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5.Minimise all noise.

At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

6.Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

7.Listen to him.

You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

8.Make the evening his.

Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.

9.Your goal.

Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

10.Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone though that day.

11.Make him comfortable.

Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

Welcome to the 50s Fridays Series!